Virgin Emotions

It wasn’t until my adulthood that I realized sex could be fun.
My focus made a paradigm shift from love to making love!

The hormones were kicking in, the adrenaline was rushing through and then it dawned upon me that life is made up of other things as well. I got a sneak peak over the tall fence of maturity, although it never made any sense.

Then it all added up.
 I was ruined.
Just like each one of you who thinks its perfectly awesome to earn your own bucks, have that limitless freedom you’ve always wanted, take your girl out for dinner and probably do ‘other’ things once you are done.

You see...we have clouded our judgement on the outlook of life.
We are no more the pure souls for whom sharing a candy meant ‘ties of blood’.
Gone are the days where our prayers were to hope for our crush to borrow our pencil, rather than use our ‘lead’.
Our hearts fail to amplify the little emotions which barely count as one these days.

I was fortunate to have been in love and even more fortunate to have been loved by someone. I have had my heart broken a couple of times too. No regrets about that.
 But of all the things the miss, and of all the things I want to get back, are those moments of untainted and purest love I had for this girl back in school.

Funny thing about love back then was that, you never really know when it hits you.
There is never a point of inflexion. You wouldn’t remember a phase before you fell in love and wouldn’t remember a thing after you did. Once you know you are bitten, you just want to keep moving on. How very intoxicating it was!

It never really worked out, me and her. And I can bet my bottom dollar it never will.
But the streak of joy I felt every time I knew she was the right woman made me a prouder man every single day.

Like all other men, I was greedy. Selfless love wasn’t something in my dictionary.
For every dire attempt of mine to win her heart, I wanted to be compensated by the glimpse of her naughty eyes.
For every slip and trip I faked and every window I bumped into, I wanted to hear the sounds of her laughter.
For every sneer and giggle her friends would make whenever I passed by (for which I am eternally thankful :P ), I wanted a reward of her rosy blush.

Selfless love it certainly was not, for she was all that I wanted and everything I needed.

I craved for her presence in my life and love seemed to be the only option.
It was a pleasure to even fill myself with hope that one day she would be my only reason to live, no matter how frivolous or unreal it seemed.
She was all I needed to complete my less-than-perfect-life.

It was however, an awakening experience indeed. .  It was perhaps the only time in my life when I decided to compete with myself knowing that the world for wasn’t enough for a girl like her.

I discovered a different person in myself.
Out of the blue, I felt I had to sing better than I could, pour out my thoughts into words like a stream of quick silver and be a better man for a tomorrow I might not even see!

It went on for years and months and yet, the very thought of holding her in my arms was the only intimate image I could visualize.

I would pray for a phone call, or maybe a chance to walk beside her and there was absolutely no bounds to my excitement when either of them even had a faintest chance of happening.

Her mere touch would make me feel my life was complete and I was good to go.


And here were...still trying to contemplate which position would deliver the best results!
I guess our virgin emotions had their own charm.