The Tale of Two Ballast Tanks

For those land lubbers who can’t figure what the title means, a ballast tank is one which is filled up with sea water whenever a ship isn’t carrying any cargo. This provides the vessel with additional stability as an ‘empty’ ship is more susceptible to the forces of the sea & wind. When the vessel begins to load her cargo, we pump out the water from these tanks. Majority of these tanks are arranged on either sides of the ship, meaning any breach in the hull would cause water ingress into these tanks (and not into the cargo tanks/holds). Since these tanks are more prone to corrosion (plenty water inside!), we do a regular inspection to make sure any rusty spots don’t turn into holes on the ship side...and yes that would mean going into these tanks which are often 5 stories high!

So it was during these routine inspections that 2 of the officers had descended into the tank and I was standing-by at the entrance along with another senior officer to keep radio contact with the guys inside.

It was a warm sunny day that looked like a perfect invitation for the goras of my ship to strip down to their shorts (or even a layer deeper) and let the tan show its prominence. But for his boiler-suit and rugged safety shoes, my Croatian superior decided sit back against the tank walls that were protruding on deck and sink himself in the serene warmth of lady sunshine who was already running her fingers through his neck.

‘Feels like Heaven..doesnt it?’ he said in his broken yet lucid accent.
‘Feels like home ‘Aako’..the temperature at my place is more or less the same round the year’, I said.
(Aako is how I address the Asst.Chief Officer,abbreviated as ACO)

“Aahh..interesting, my friend. The last time I feel this sunshine was when I go to Singapore. Our ship was in a dry-dock (repair yard) and I go ashore and meet this girl from Laos. She’s nice. Very sexy. She show me around the ‘ceety’...show me other stuff as well (with a wink)...but yes we were good friends. She keep in touch for long time”, he said and glanced at his watch.
It was 10 minutes since the party had entered the tank. No response so far. He reached for his walkie talkie.
‘Kraven Kraven..all ok’?
After a swift 5 second delay, “ All ok here”.
 I reached for my walkie talkie and, “Bridge bridge come in..all ok at ballast tank No.2 port (referring to the tank on the port side or left side of the ship).”.
The navigating officer at the command centre (called Bridge),  responded, “Roger that”.

He continued.
“Later on we take the ship to China since the repairs were too complicated. Plenty girls there also. We hire this bar every week for only 500$. Plenty girls dancing around. Plenty ‘Jiggy Jiggy’. But bloody ‘sheeth’, the rooms in the hotel was not so good. Same same like rusty ballast tank you know?”

I pictured an image of him making love with a skinny Chinese inside the ballast tank,and I swear to god, it was the most craziest imagination in all my life. I burst out with laughter as we saw the inspection party exit the tank.

Kraven the Chief officer was out of the tank. Sweaty and exhausted but still agile as he moved out.
“Other tanks after Chup Chup..secure everything for now”, He said.
(Oh btw..Chup chup is seafarers’ lingo for food).

It won’t come as a surprise if some of you are beginning to despise me like a cockroach who finds refuge in the sewers. Yes, I am a seafarer. No, I do not have a problem in associating myself with what some of you would call as low lives and no, I don’t fancy blowing up my money in strip clubs.
But the fact that seamen have always been known to be acquainted with all kinds of vices, can only be described from a man’s urge to vent out his otherwise stressful life onboard.

We returned back to ballast tank no.2, but this time it was the tank on the starboard side (right side) of the ship. Everything was fine barring the fact that lady sunshine decided to spice things up a little bit. The sun was OVERHEAD. Aako was sweating like a greased pig. Definitely not his idea of a tan-promenade.
Me on the other hand couldn’t have been more comfortable.

“Kreeshnaa...how you no sweat?”
“You probably forgot I said this feels like home”, I replied with a smile.

“Pichkumaatreyaaaa (an exotic verbal abuse in croatian)...this is too much”. He replied as he gulped down the last drop of water.

I wanted to lighten up the moment and asked, “So looks like great time at Singapore isn’t it?”

He took a moment. He directed his famished eyebrows at me and said,”Yess Kreeshna...good life I had...but you see..”. He paused for a while as his throat was parched. He swallowed a bit of his spit and continued, “All the fun I had was nowhere close to the time I spent working ashore , for half the salary I was earning. My life was maybe small. But it wasn’t complicated. I meet my wife for the first time when we work in the same building. Then we like each other and marry. We soon have our daughter and I decide not to go back to the sea since I want to see her grow up. These years can be very important, Kreeshna. I did not want to be a father who did not know his daughter well. It is because of those few years, my daughter stick to me more than sticking to her mother.”

I was dumbstruck. I couldn’t really understand the man he was.

“Remember Kreeshna...no amount of money will ever get me back those days with my family and not a single moment with my daughter I would have sacrificed...whatever be the money people offer. It change me as a man. So I stop all these girls after I get married”.

I just gave a feeble smile. Or maybe it wasn’t even a smile. Just an expression of realization maybe.

An hour ago for the same tank inspection with great weather, I was with a man who was flaunting his manhood and here I am with the same guy, who admits being subdued by the warmth of his loved ones, when he is at the brink of dehydration.

We didn’t talk much during that inspection. Maybe he was too famished or myself, stunned.

As we completed our tank inspection, I couldn’t help but reverberate that line from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

“You could be mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear,curse the fates... but when it comes to the end...you have to let go.”

Not sure if it was even appropriate to what I felt, but it looks like the tale of two ballast tanks will remind me what a crude seafarer is, after all!

Virgin Emotions

It wasn’t until my adulthood that I realized sex could be fun.
My focus made a paradigm shift from love to making love!

The hormones were kicking in, the adrenaline was rushing through and then it dawned upon me that life is made up of other things as well. I got a sneak peak over the tall fence of maturity, although it never made any sense.

Then it all added up.
 I was ruined.
Just like each one of you who thinks its perfectly awesome to earn your own bucks, have that limitless freedom you’ve always wanted, take your girl out for dinner and probably do ‘other’ things once you are done.

You see...we have clouded our judgement on the outlook of life.
We are no more the pure souls for whom sharing a candy meant ‘ties of blood’.
Gone are the days where our prayers were to hope for our crush to borrow our pencil, rather than use our ‘lead’.
Our hearts fail to amplify the little emotions which barely count as one these days.

I was fortunate to have been in love and even more fortunate to have been loved by someone. I have had my heart broken a couple of times too. No regrets about that.
 But of all the things the miss, and of all the things I want to get back, are those moments of untainted and purest love I had for this girl back in school.

Funny thing about love back then was that, you never really know when it hits you.
There is never a point of inflexion. You wouldn’t remember a phase before you fell in love and wouldn’t remember a thing after you did. Once you know you are bitten, you just want to keep moving on. How very intoxicating it was!

It never really worked out, me and her. And I can bet my bottom dollar it never will.
But the streak of joy I felt every time I knew she was the right woman made me a prouder man every single day.

Like all other men, I was greedy. Selfless love wasn’t something in my dictionary.
For every dire attempt of mine to win her heart, I wanted to be compensated by the glimpse of her naughty eyes.
For every slip and trip I faked and every window I bumped into, I wanted to hear the sounds of her laughter.
For every sneer and giggle her friends would make whenever I passed by (for which I am eternally thankful :P ), I wanted a reward of her rosy blush.

Selfless love it certainly was not, for she was all that I wanted and everything I needed.

I craved for her presence in my life and love seemed to be the only option.
It was a pleasure to even fill myself with hope that one day she would be my only reason to live, no matter how frivolous or unreal it seemed.
She was all I needed to complete my less-than-perfect-life.

It was however, an awakening experience indeed. .  It was perhaps the only time in my life when I decided to compete with myself knowing that the world for wasn’t enough for a girl like her.

I discovered a different person in myself.
Out of the blue, I felt I had to sing better than I could, pour out my thoughts into words like a stream of quick silver and be a better man for a tomorrow I might not even see!

It went on for years and months and yet, the very thought of holding her in my arms was the only intimate image I could visualize.

I would pray for a phone call, or maybe a chance to walk beside her and there was absolutely no bounds to my excitement when either of them even had a faintest chance of happening.

Her mere touch would make me feel my life was complete and I was good to go.


And here were...still trying to contemplate which position would deliver the best results!
I guess our virgin emotions had their own charm.

The Untouched Dimension

Haven’t we all been fascinated by the miracles of gods?
I am sure even the atheists would agree me.

 Perhaps there wasn’t a Poseidon whose fury could churn up the seas.
Perhaps there wasn’t a Vayu whose smile could mobilize that warm evening breeze.
Or maybe there was never an Isis whose mere touch could put an end to the most horrendous of diseases.

Yet...their unobstructed dominance over each of the elements and realms they controlled, was something which every mortal could wish for (I wish I had one of those Cupid’s arrows!).

Some even managed to succeed. Although mortals is not what I would call them. Especially not when they had reached a higher level of spirituality.

The rest of the unfortunate ones however, never found it too hard to fantasize.
And with such a thirst for supernatural fantasy, folklores and artists found their prominences in the society.

We loved the tales of Lord Krishna who picked up a mountain cause’ he was short of umbrellas and even better, the stills of Hugh Jackman when he was kicking ass in the skin of Wolverine. (‘Cyclops’ of X-men was my personal favourite. He wore cool shades and had a hot girl friend :P).

As man explored into the depths of his imagination, his fantasy ventured into the dominance of such a dimension which even the gods preferred to keep away from – Time.

Think about it – Have you ever heard of gods travelling back in time?
There have been time-keepers, like Chornos - God of Fate, or Caerus – God of Opportunity.
But as far as I can remember, none of them chose to alter the course of the future or change their past.

The Morai witches in Greek mythology were bound by the duty to ensure that the fate of every man and woman, take its course unobstructed. Every god, every man and every living being had to submit to them. Yet, even the guardians of fate could not undo what was done. Time and tide, certainly did wait for none.

For gods were certainly smart (duh!).
They would rather not disturb the balance.
Time, I believe, is a foundation more than anything else.
Every arc second of our lives is entwined with that of so many others in the cosmos, that it has to recorded...somewhere.
Acts once committed, knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or just for the heck of it, should not be undone. For the flapping of a butterfly in Brazil can cause a hurricane in Toronto.

A mere presence of a man, in his own past, can set off ripples of changes in the entire framework of the globe. It can be a life changer for somebody like winning a lottery ticket or maybe something bigger, like affecting his evolution of thought process.

Which is perhaps why, I conclude, that a man who has absolute control over time is god.
Or probably something bigger.

Spirit of the Sea – Maria Boben

 There is a legend that hope is never lost for those sailors who have an undying faith in the spirit of the sea. When a sailor finds himself in the darkest of hours and the deepest of abyss, the presence of the spirit elevates his senses and drowns him in the will to move forward.

Be it a brave Captain at the con who struggles to keep the lady’s course or an engineer covered in grease stains racing against time to keep the steering motors running, they have all seen the grace of the spirit of the sea.

It takes a while to perceive its presence for the forms it takes are many.

Sometimes you hear a seagull screech when you are desperate for landfall.
Sometimes it is that thin ray of sunlight in a partly cloudy sky when your compasses fail.
Sometimes it is a lonesome fisherman reminding you that you have entered territorial waters.
Or back in the good old days, it could be your radio officer yelling, “Kevin...god has blessed you with a healthy daughter!!”.

I have personally felt ‘her’ divinity as well.  That’s right. The spirit called herself Maria Boben.
When all seemed low for this lonely cadet, hope was everything he needed. Like a harness from above to pull him up and be told that he was better than what he thought he was.

I started writing this blog with every intention to immerse myself in a distraction where I was divorced from the consequences of reality. It was a means of escape I wanted to immerse myself into. Then came Maria out of nowhere. Just like the legend has always been.

I never knew who she was or what she did. But she did exactly what the spirit always meant to do – give me a ray of hope to cling on. I was told to write on. Nothing more. Nothing less.
But I heard a voice in my head that said all was not lost. Just like the legend has always been.

Looks like I am not alone after all!
Nobody, I guess, was ever meant to be.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD

I have heard of this phenomenon called 'Sea Blindness', which refers to common people being oblivious to sea transport and the life out at sea. Its funny when people are unaware that the Iphones they flaunt, have a story of their own.

Once fabricated and assembled out of its workshop in China, it is entrusted in the custody of those few men who live an alternative reality for most of the year. Back home, most are nothing more than loving fathers, a few, nothing but caring husbands and the plenty others, passionate lovers.
But when duty calls, they embrace a new life onto themselves. A realm where you wouldnt want mother nature to be cross with you. A world where your cries are never heard (unless you press the red button that says 'DISTRESS'). A world where home means being away from one. A world where being a man is a way of life.

For these are the men of steel who brave the mighty oceans, doing all what it takes to discharge the 'package' safely and in one piece, just so you would be able to take a selfie with that million dollar vada pav in your hand.

Yet, this world has a charm of its own for it is pure.
Away from pollution that corrodes our lives, away from the irony of scoundrels in the streets, and away from the constraints of your limited wardrobe, the life onboard a sea going vessel is a world of its own.

With the advent of developments in satellite communication, staying connected with the rest of the world is never an issue. Yet your concerns on politics, bollywood, fiscal policies and backyard gossip always takes a  back seat compared to your curiosity regarding the daily menu. Your life boils down to bare essentials of living.Your thirst for money is only prevalent till the moment there is landfall on the horizon. Last but not the least, you get to see mother nature in her own perspective.

Your love for your family grows tenfold and you realize the joy of having someone to go home to.
Sooner or later, you begin to evaluate the things that matter the most. You begin to absorb the difference between the luxuries you want and the necessities you need.

Thank you lord, for placing me on the brink of awakening.
The other side of the world looks pleasant indeed.