Have Mercy!

For 8 years my mind was free of chaos. I used to call myself a free stallion and moved where the winds took me. I felt safe, sound & secure. I assumed there were fewer things that could stop me. Until I met the Leopardess.

Most men desire for a woman who is a Lioness.
They expect her to walk with majestic grandeur. They want her to stick to her pride. They would want her growl at other males who are ever trying to mate with her. But she isn’t one of those.

She is elusive and moves fast. She gives you time just enough to get a glimpse of those spots on her perfect shiny fur. She can lure a man just by locking her gaze and hence doesn’t find the need to have a partner. She is desirable and moves like a mirage.

You try to reach out, hold her in arms and before you know it, she is on top of you and goes straight for your throat. You wished you had never met her!

She is unlike any other woman I have met. She strikes fear in the hearts of the men who seek her like the Moby Dick of the Deep seas. Some fear she would never be theirs. A few have (or had!) the privilege to fear she might walk of their lives.  For most…they fear that she isn’t real & whatever is happening is bound to end soon.

She pumps you with greed like how the Venus fly traps works. You yearn to get close to her and want to know what it feels like to be inside her. She pulls you close by the whiff of her shampoo & Eau De Toilette. By the time you think you are going back for more, you realize you forget to breathe.

She ruins your sleep and makes you go berserk like she is cocaine. You want to grip her clothes & hold her close not because you want her. You are addicted to the image of her breathing into you. You feel like there is nothing more in this world that can ever make you happy. You try to pursue her and end up staying up till dawn.

My dear Leopardess…Please have mercy.
 Let me go...but not yet!

I pray that you are bitch!

I take a vow to never look at you.  I try not to gawk at you. I take a stand to ignore you but you say, ‘Hi’. I am speechless and back to square one.
Moving on was never this difficult. I pray that you are a bitch.

I swear to never think of you. I am determined not to fall for you. I take a stand to ignore you but you make eye-contact with me amongst a dozen others & give me that smile. I am smitten & back to square one.
Moving on was never this difficult. I pray that you are a bitch.

I want to be mean to you. I want to fill you with rebuke. I try to look at you with disdain but your puppy dog eyes tell me you are hungry. I can’t help but prepare a warm meal for you & get back to square one.
Moving on was never this difficult. I pray that you are a bitch.

I try to be a dick. I stop looking at you saying you aren’t curvy enough. I avoid you saying you aren’t voluptuous enough but then you tie up your hair & brush away your forelocks. My jaws drop open & I get back to square one.

I am determined to be a dick. I swear not to entertain you. But you tell me you like Ferrero Rocher & I suddenly wish I had chocolate syrup oozing through my veins. I got back to square one a long time ago!

Moving on was never this difficult. I pray that you are a bitch…but you are such a darling!

Move on?

I have often been told by my friends to move on. 

“You need to let go…she doesn’t really care about you”
“You are wasting your time”
“You would have been dating someone by now had you moved on”

But life being what it has always been - complicated & confusing, I have been unable to take that step forward. I tell my friends that it isn’t as easy as it looks like. Then somebody told me this.

“Moving on is difficult for people who have been in a relationship…not for somebody who was ok with staring at her until she telepathically got the message”.

I couldn’t help but laugh at what was said. For the first time in my life, truth was bitter sweet.

Thing is, I could never really decide what I enjoyed more – Whether to bask in the hope that she will someday come around, or to be lead on in an endless abyss of her pursuit knowing that she will never be yours.

To be honest,I did try my best to move on.

I woke up one fine day, swore to never think about her & put on my best I-don’t-care-about-the-world look. While she did the exact same thing (not to think about me or give a damn), the mere fact that she locked her gaze with mine for an arc second changed it all. I was back to being obsessed with her again. I felt like a man curled up in a dark chamber who is ever happy by the small glimpses of sunlight than the bright meadows outside.

It is never a question of her being the ‘right’ one. In all probability, she isn’t. In majority of the cases, she is perhaps the one biggest mistake you need to make to turn your life upside down. Yet…she is the only person who could fill up that void which you had always hoped to fulfill. You would miss her for the rest of your life even if you had'nt met. You could have all the riches, loads of luck, abundance in adventure & yet your life would fall short if she wasn’t a part of it.

Should I try any harder?
Nah. I think it should happen as it goes.
Life feels perfect with her occasional smiles & millisecond glimpses. Why bother ruin it in haste or move on?